I'm glad I learned it when I was in college.
Wen /Zhang Jingzhi
I have a high school classmate who is very stubborn. I never heard him say "I'm sorry" when I was at school. He was so eloquent that he could be said to be someone else's fault when it was his own fault. And most importantly, he felt from the bottom of his heart that he was right.
at that time, his motto was: "if I'm right, I won't admit it."
when I got together with him during the Spring Festival, I found that his previous "reasonable and unforgiving" manner seemed to rein in a little bit. But it's not just him, but all of us are much more secure than high school. But I know that this kind of stability is not a sudden epiphany, but is covered by a slap by reality.
my old classmate met and picked up the wine glass with stories. I asked him how he was doing.
but he smiled and said, "I just broke up."
he said that when he quarreled with his girlfriend in the past, he always argued with reason and tried his best to reason with her. Then I talked for 30 minutes on this side of the phone without giving my girlfriend a chance to interrupt, and finally asked her, "do you understand?"
the other side of the phone said, "I don't want to understand."
then my girlfriend hung up. He froze aside, thinking about what he had just said, looking for logical errors, and after confirming it again and again, he called back his girlfriend's number.
she picked up, "Hello."
he said, "did I say something wrong?"
she said, "your fault is that you don't even know where you're wrong."
they just broke up.
before the Spring Festival, they met in the coffee shop.
and you know that when a couple can sit down calmly and explain their previous conflicts and misunderstandings, they can't go back.
the girl said to him, "you always think about how to beat me in every quarrel. Why can't you admit your mistake first?"
he looked dazed: "but I'm not wrong."
the girl said, "but can't you let me?" When will I go after you like you when you admit you are wrong? "
after talking that afternoon, she completely became his ex-girlfriend.
when he told me about this, he kept picking up food. We sat in the big stall, and while eating three shreds of fried spaghetti, he said:
if you know that admitting your mistake first can solve the problem between us,
you can let me say 10,000 sorry.
I remember that I was always impatient with my mother in high school. We all quarreled during the walk after supper.
once, she said to me on the way: when you come back from taking an examination of a civil servant, my mother will feel at ease.
I felt unhappy when I heard that. Who wants to be a civil servant? I want to do my ideal job, although I didn't know what I liked at that time. So I immediately told her loudly: I will not become a civil servant, bored to death.
every word she says, I can't wait to refute her, trying to trip her with what I've learned from books and the Internet. I don't know if you have the feeling that you know it's wrong to talk to your parents in this tone, but you keep touching their bottom line by saying, "they will forgive me."
it seems that the more they endure, the more they love us.
until my mother got angry and yelled at me: OK! You are right about everything, and your mother is wrong about everything!
in fact, every time she said something like this to me, I felt very sad. I wanted to apologize quickly, but I turned up the volume and shouted on the road, "you are wrong about everything. You have no idea what I'm thinking." "
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then I walked straight away angrily. After walking for several hundred meters, I looked back and found that my mother was pointing her back at me, walking alone towards home.
the car beside me sped by, and I stood in the middle of the road, remembering what I had just said.
only then did I realize that I was still wrong.
instead of keeping up with my mother, I took out my phone and gave her a Wechat: "Mom, I was wrong." Don't talk like that next time. "
Yes, I couldn't even apologize to my mother, but chose to solve the problem by phone.
it wasn't long before my screen lit up and it said:
it's good to know it's wrong, and don't do it next time.
after that, my mother taught me something more. I listened to it as quietly as possible, and then calmly told her my opinion. Sometimes she still doesn't understand what I think, and even says, "I still don't understand the world of you young people."
but every time she says it, she will answer:
but you can do whatever you want, and your mother will always support you.
in fact, you don't need to be ready to fight all the time in life.
compete with everyone around you.
in fact, sometimes, when everyone is angry, everything is wrong, but as long as you become the first party to admit mistakes, you will find that things are so easy to solve. At some point you will find that admitting mistakes is the cheapest and most efficient solution.
every Chinese New year, I always see some jokes about "how to deal with the problems of the elders in my family" on the Internet. I sometimes show them to my sister to learn how to "repel the third aunt and the sixth aunt in one move." However, she said to me:
in fact, the so-called "sharp tongue" is just too much to talk about. The aunts ask me if I am married or not, and they care about me. What is there to refute? If you embarrass them, you are just telling them that you don't have to worry about it. You might as well say it openly, they will alwaysI understand you.
to be a man, you don't have to win wherever you go.
sometimes, being generous enough to admit that you are wrong will make the people around you feel better.
I suddenly remembered a sentence that a friend said to me in moments:
"after 20 years old, I feel that it is time to gradually become gentle."