This is a restless experience.
Wen /Zhang Jingshi
more than two years ago, when my girlfriend told her mother that I was her boyfriend, I knew I was going to face an extremely difficult hurdle. Because the gatekeepers there will determine your life and death in the coming year, they are respectable and powerful, if you do not behave well. Maybe, like my friends, I will become a couple who are broken up because of "dissatisfaction".
at that time, I was as stupid as the following GIF, and I did what I wanted to do.
at that time, I wish such an article could save the stupid me.
but no, I had to pay the price of blood and tears for my growth. Tomorrow will be 30 years old, and I don't know if you will face the situation I encountered two years ago, so I decided to brainstorm in my moments today and write a "notice". I hope you can treat this "notice" well, because the words in it are broken apart, and you can see the blood and tears in it.
Note 1: eat people's mouth and take people's hands short
this is the first minefield and the most serious mistake. Do not think that you can not give gifts just because you are a student, because this is a capital crime that cannot be reversed.
I have a friend H who has already prepared gifts, but his girlfriend keeps saying that he doesn't have a job and doesn't have to give gifts, so he won't be allowed to take any more things. When he couldn't beat his girlfriend, he gave in, so he didn't bring anything when he went to his girlfriend's house on the third day of the Lunar New year.
according to him, after entering the house, there was nothing wrong with everyone, and everyone still chatted very naturally. H also received red envelopes from the woman's parents, and when he left, he was stuffed with a lot of New year goods for him to take home.
so H happily left his girlfriend's home. When he was on the bus, he was still recalling the scene, examining whether he had performed well, and creating an image of a man who could be entrusted for life.
but just then, he received a Wechat message: "my mother asked me why you didn't give us any gift."
H was in a hurry and hurriedly asked her girlfriend, "didn't you tell your mother you didn't want it?"
girlfriend: "I said it, and then I was scolded. She said it wasn't a matter of money, it was a matter of etiquette." The expression of
H knew he was in trouble after receiving that message. When he got home, he immediately asked his mother what to do. Needless to say, he scolded her again:
"I told you to deliver it a long time ago, and I kept saying no. Now do you have bad manners?" You have lost the face of our family. "
then give him 300 yuan to hurry up to buy something and send it over, and tell him to go to the fruit stand and buy six apples (safe) and two oranges (good luck) to bring them together.
so H went to the girl's house again the next day with those gifts, and at the moment of entering the door, the girl's mother saw the big bag and small bag in H's hand and said in surprise, "Why did you bring so many things?"
then H's girlfriend's mother immediately turned around and asked her, "you didn't tell her what I told you yesterday, did you?"
the atmosphere at that time was so awkward that H knew afterwards that there was never the word "make-up" for gift-giving. And H's girlfriend should not copy her mother's words to H, because her mother actually wants her to gently remind H that according to the rules, the New year should give gifts to their family.
while H immediately brings something over the next day, it will look like a city, and in the end, both families will be embarrassed.
it was not until that moment that H understood why others said, "Love is not a matter for two people, but a matter for two families."
so you can either get there in one step or do it again next year.
but you probably won't have a next time.
Note 2: understanding the details of impressions determines the degree of trust
Chinese people care about etiquette, and politeness is behind it. Politeness indicates whether he knows how to respect others, especially in the eyes of elders. Politeness has become an important censorship indicator, and even plays a key role in the issue of "can the child be trusted?"
just because what you say is sweet enough to melt someone doesn't mean you're polite, because the word "politeness" is so big that you can't explain it in a few simple sentences. So I will give some negative examples of "impoliteness" below:
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1. The etiquette is not perfect, and the things given are not appropriate. For students who don't come out to work, it's okay to send fruit and some imported snacks. But if you have already come out to work, you should send some cigarettes, a bottle of wine if your girlfriend's father likes to drink, and a can of tea if you like tea. A friend of mine once sent those Letv gift bags and sodas, and the girls were half angry.
2. It makes people feel inappropriate to wear grandiose clothes. The most taboo thing about New year's greetings is that you wear black to pay New year's greetings to others, or wear a very fashionable suit, a fluorescent yellow coat, and comb a big back. Are you here to pick a show?
3. I only talk to my girlfriend. If you enter someone else's house and still just cling to your girlfriend and ask your girlfriend to introduce you to the third aunt or the sixth aunt, you will know what to call each other, then you are dead. When you go to other people's homes, you should be generous and take the initiative to talk to your elders.
4. Playing with your mobile phone is really an irreverent behavior, which gives people the impression that you are very unreliable, as if you can't live without a mobile phone.
5. When eating, they were seated before the elders, moved the chopsticks before the elders, and chose a better seat to sit down. We should let the length first.The older generation sits down, and then the rest of the seats are our seats, and we can't fill them too full. in the eyes of the older generation, this is a sign of not having enough to eat. Don't pick and choose when you eat, it's also rude.
6. This is the last and most important one I tell you. If you play mahjong with your future mother-in-law, remember loose medals and don't win money.
and these are just minefields that you may touch when you go to pay New year's greetings, and there are countless "precautions" that you have to play it by ear. You have to remember, this is not an exam, because you can get a few points on how many questions you answer correctly. But for New year's greetings, you can get 0 points for one wrong question, and even if you are all right, there are only 60 points, so there are only two kinds of comments you can get, that is, "OK" or "impolite".
A friend of mine told me his brother-in-law's advice: "when you go to pay New year's greetings, you should have a job in your eyes, don't be lifeless, and let your mother-in-law and father-in-law see that you have a responsible side and have an independent mind."
and another friend, he left a message: "be polite and go to bed early and get up early. You don't need help to work, but you have to play with young children." When eating, you should first pick up food for your parents, don't wear flashy clothes, and you can't sleep in the same room with your girlfriend. If you have an old man, remember to prepare some not too expensive gifts for the elderly. "
after reading this paragraph, I felt a little sad, because his last sentence was:
"I died when my parents asked questions. Take care."
take care, everyone.
Note 3: do as you please
Please remember that the dining table is a battlefield without gunpowder smoke.
I have a friend who is notoriously picky among us. But according to him, he always had three bowls of rice every time he went to his girlfriend's house for dinner, and every dish on the table would be his favorite dish, not because it was really delicious, but because he ate less when he went to dinner for the first time. His girlfriend's mother always advised him to eat more, but he said he was full after eating a bowl of rice, so the girl's mother said, "maybe it's because he can't get used to it." It doesn't matter. "
do you know how terrible the word "can't get used to" is? I once asked my girlfriend, "if I can't get used to your family food, what does that mean?"
she said: "you can understand it as pampering, picky, losing face, and so on." And "not used to eating" means that the two sides have different living habits, different living habits mean different lifestyles, and differences mean that the three values will not be consistent. The three values are all at odds with each other. are we still suitable? "
this logic is flawless, so I have to admire the size of girls' brains. I think that friend may have asked the same question, which made him have such a big change.
finally, I would like to say something beside the point.
although I describe the whole article in a tongue-in-cheek tone, I don't think it's a terrible thing to pay New year's greetings to my girlfriend. Instead, it's an interesting contest in my mind.
maybe "Happy New year" is a restless experience for us "boyfriends", but for girlfriend's family, this is one of the few opportunities for them to see us clearly.
so we try our best to reassure them and entrust the people who hold them in the palm of their hands to us for the time being. And they set up many obstacles, not to embarrass us, but to see from every detail whether we are in line with their expectations, but in the final analysis, they only want to be sure of one thing. Their sweetheart will be bullied by this stranger.
through their words and deeds, they told us, "it's not like my daughter can't find someone better, so you'd better be careful." If I get a little grievance from you, I'll let her go home. "
what we can do is to constantly promote ourselves to become a responsible man so that his family can put their hearts at ease.
in fact, this is also an unfair exam. We can avoid most of the minefields through reminders before we walk into the examination room. Although they knew that this day would come, they were still unprepared. Their daughter already had someone she liked.
their most precious people don't just like them, so they have to make a good investigation, for fear that she has made the wrong choice, sorry for their love for her, and sorry for her love for that stranger.
I think of what Jin Shijie's father said in "the leftover is King." maybe there is only one note:
make sure their daughter is happy.
so after reading this article, remember to be nice to her.
"what do you think is the most important thing to pay attention to during the New year?"