I was seen by my relatives to eat Yoshino alone.
Wen /eel whale
A terrible thing happened recently. At the beginning of the month, when I finished everything at hand, handed in all my final assignments, finished my exams, and finally the bell rang, a voice warned in my ear, "Hey, there's nothing to do here, you can go home!" After that, I was in a terrible panic, and I didn't want to admit and had to face the idea that-- well, I didn't want to go home.
"you show off. There's a home I don't want to go back to! "
one thing that panicked in my third year of high school was that I couldn't get into college, not because I thought college was so necessary for me, but not because I wanted to leave this place and go anywhere, but not because I hated it. And going to college is the most straightforward and natural excuse. This kind of panic causes me another kind of panic, that is, do I have no feelings for my family and for the past two decades?
how do you rarely talk on the phone and don't go home for three months? when you buy a ticket, you think about changing it, and even when you get home, you even think of buying a ticket back?
until recently, when I started to work on something, I needed to interview several families. Before I went to someone else's house, I would ask the young people out to talk, so as to understand the family and how they get along. Later, I found that everyone talked about their families, their parents and their boyhood, with endless topics and memories of the past.
everyone's boyhood is like a collection of stories.
I just remembered that it was as if I hadn't sat down and talked to my parents for a century. I remembered that we used to be able to chat late into the night in the living room.
although after I got home, my mother told me hundreds of words
"isn't it cold? how many pairs of pants do you wear?" Why don't you wear that down
"Don't drink the cold one. Come on, drink this bowl of soup."
"Don't hide in your room all day and go out in the sun."
"go out again! Can't you just stay at home all day! "
"come out and sit with your seven aunts and eight aunts."
"you're so lazy, you might as well not come back without any help!"
these unreasonable demands really hear my ears grow cocoons, but when I think about it, it is these "approachable" nagging that really bring me back to the place where "I don't know how bad the outside world is." every day, school is a place to go, no matter whether I was severely criticized by the teacher at school today, was still made a new friend, happy or not.
I always feel that everything has changed, friends may be estranged, lovers may break up, and their studies and careers may not be successful, but as soon as I open the door and the familiar nagging begins to gossip again, everything seems to be all right, everything seems to have not changed, on the outside, no matter whether I am a success or failure, no matter whether I am trying my best to get through my university. No matter whether I am popular or not, whether I have a lot of friends or not, no matter how serious things have happened to me, as soon as I open the door and hear these words, none of these things are important.
I had a teenage age like "Please answer 1988". There were parents who knew little about the generation gap but were reasonable and fun as friends. There were three children in the family, and the age gap was very small. There were also sisters who often got into fights over who stole clothes from whom. They also cried bitterly because their parents ran away from home and hid in the street. There are neighbors who will prepare a meal for you whenever there is delicious food. There are also a few childhood sweethearts who can spend the afternoon at anyone's house.
the only difference is probably that the group of childhood playmates go out, work, get married, and even have two children, young, young, playmates are playmates, and there are not so many unrequited lovers.
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one afternoon I had nothing to do, grabbed the key and locked the door and walked out, down our old street, past the pond, through the vegetable market, past the VCD store selling F4 cards with Jay Chou's mischievous kiss, past the boutique that bought lavender bottle meteor necklaces, past the stationery store with four-wheel-drive Xiaobawang game machine and electronic pet machine, and past the juice vendor for one dollar a cup. Walk through the grocery store that sold Banlangen and white vinegar crazily during the SARS period, pass the secret game hall primary school that I can never enter, secretly go to the Internet bar where my male deskmate "Dream Journey to the West" fight, and walk past the church where the coffee shop of the dating mecca was confessed for the first time on Christmas.
I was wearing headphones on the road, and the songs I listened to were very different from those of those years ago. Suddenly, someone shouted my name behind me and subconsciously ripped off the headphone cord. Looking back, several dogs chased and the road was empty. I was stunned for a few seconds. I put on my headphones again and moved on. I had a dream that night. I remembered that the scene of the day had really happened, but the person who called your name in the school uniform was not there.
when I woke up, I could not hear my neighbor "pull" the older child knocking on the door and calling for my sister. I could not hear my mother gossiping with the aunt next door when she came back from shopping. I could not hear aunt so-and-so crying about her husband's gambling, cheating, drinking and violence. I could not hear aunt so-and-so saying sheepishly about borrowing money for a long time. I saw that the abandoned dresser was covered with cobwebs in the corner of the alley and saw the closed door. When some wage earners from other places slowly moved in and spoke various dialects that I could not understand, I realized that the original hutong, this alley, the place where I grew up, had been emptied one by one, like the last family in "1988" who took off the name plates in front of the door and left with a large truck of luggage.
We will move out soon. I often wonder what kind of future we are waiting for. The new neighbors may be like those high-rise residential areas in the city. They will not communicate with each other as soon as the iron doors are closed. The new home may not be big, but at least we don't have to share a bed with our brothers and sisters.We will marry, marry and start a new family in that new home until our parents die.
the first time I left was to take a bus more than one hour a week to the city to start high school accommodation. The second time I left was to carry a larger suitcase to the station and take a bus for six or seven hours to another city to go to college. The third time I left was to really say goodbye to myself over the past 20 years. Every time I thought of the passage in "Wedding invitation Street": "just like this area, it used to be the best in the world, but in an instant, the units in the whole street are about to be full of crows. All the beautiful old days will be torn down tomorrow. Forget the flowers you planted, start again, and give up your ideals. "
when you are busy outside, you don't have to think about a lot of things
as soon as you go back, how many past events and problems suddenly become clear
so I began to understand why I felt so scared and warm about "going home." every time you find that something has changed at home, you feel that time flies, and many people's feelings for old things are gradually breaking away from their lives.
your panic is that when your neighbors see you, they no longer ask "how many students in the class did you get in the final exam", but "have you met someone?" what you panic is that when your aunts see you, they no longer put red envelopes in your hand, but care about how much you earn each month and how much you give to your family. What scares you is that you are no longer looking forward to taking your carefully selected new clothes out of your wardrobe on New year's Eve and wanting to walk around the street, because when you open your wardrobe, you find yourself buying new clothes all the time.
what is warm is that you are most familiar with everything here. Your mother will cook your favorite home-cooked dishes at noon, and your father will take you to eat beef noodles in the early hours of the morning. It's no problem to wake up naturally. The street is full of people who know you. The owner of the breakfast restaurant in the street still remembers that you don't eat onions.
of course, our holidays will continue to rush to the market at classmate gatherings, friends' gatherings, relatives' gatherings. Spend time in remembering the past and talking about the future, pack your bags, buy a ticket, study, work, live and live in reality. Soon, May Day is coming, summer vacation is coming, Mid-Autumn Festival, National Day and the Winter Solstice are all here. I can avoid going home with a lot of things or finding a place to travel, but the next Spring Festival is coming again soon.
so, one year after that, I went home, and they no longer cared about my "boyfriend" and "salary". One day, my father would say to me in the living room, "come back, I'll find you a secure job." my mother will say to me in the kitchen, "Let's eat out tonight. My aunt who does morning exercises with me knows a boy. It's good to be a doctor."
on that day, I will really feel that I "do whatever I want", I am "full of ideals", and I always feel that my "born not simple" boyhood has really come to an end.
and sadly, when it came to the finale
I was surprised to realize that I was not a female number one.
I was playing hooligans without watching the video!