The gap between "talking back" and "not talking back" is obvious 20 years later, so parents should not care.
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A few days ago, my best friend complained to me:
I really don't know how I offended my kid recently, against me everywhere.
I called him for dinner, and he said,
"I just want ice cream now."
I urged him to clean up his room. Not only did he sit and watch TV motionless, but he also impatiently looked up at me:
"my own room, I can clean it up whenever I want!"
I asked him to turn off the TV and hurry to brush his teeth to bed. He asked
"Why should I listen to you?"
finally, the best friend said angrily:
I comforted my best friend with a few words of sympathy.
I remember a survey:
more than 75% of parents chose to talk back.
talking back seems to be an unbearable behavior for most parents.
talking back is actually the awakening of children's self-consciousness.
in many cases, parents will talk back to their children as a sign of disobedience.
then, try every possible means to help the child get rid of this "bad habit", ranging from verbal repression to force.
but never really thought:
Why on earth do children talk back?
in the documentary "Post-00s", Mengmeng's parents feel that Mengmeng becomes more and more rebellious as they get older, and more and more like to talk back to their parents.
Mengmeng wants to go out with her good friends, but her father threatens Mengmeng because she forgot to bring her schoolbag.
Mengmeng cries and refutes her father:
Dad takes Mengmeng to choose glasses. As a result, dad doesn't like the style that Mengmeng likes, and neither does Mengmeng that Dad likes.
Dad said impatiently, "which one do you like?"
Mengmeng returned to the top helplessly: "you don't understand me."
the atmosphere between father and daughter suddenly dropped to a freezing point.
Dad can't understand why Mengmeng is rebellious, and Mengmeng doesn't understand why her father is so dissatisfied with himself.
an education expert once said:
there are three rebellious periods in the growth of children.
the first rebellious period is 2-4 years old, and they express their subjective consciousness formed in the early stage through words such as "no" and "no";
the second rebellious period is 7-9 years old. They begin to have a strong sense of independence, often dissatisfied with the rules of the outside world, and sometimes even a little unreasonable.
the third rebellious period is 12-17 years old. they are in adolescence, pursue individual independence and freedom even more, and hate all restraints.
only through the rebellious period can the child grow into an independent and autonomous individual.
and talking back is a behavior that occurs in every child's rebellious period.
talking back shows that the child's self-awareness and dignity are beginning to awaken.
he began to think about himself, began to strongly want to express himself, wanted to defend his right to speak, and wanted his parents to see his inner aspirations.
Children talk back, not "disobedient", "uneducated" or "deliberately against", but a necessary process for them to confront their parents, find themselves and build their own personality in the form of language.
allowing children to talk back is a kind of wisdom
has seen a Reality Show program, in which Xiao Bao is a child who loves to talk back.
his father supervises him to play the violin and always likes to hold a brush and point at him to find fault.
this made him so disgusted that he couldn't help saying to his father angrily, "Don't point that at me."
Dad criticized him for playing the piano in the wrong position. He retorted, "then label me."
at a family meeting, Mom and Dad pointed out a lot of his shortcomings and hoped that he would correct them.
without showing weakness, he opposes Mom and Dad:
"Dad always finds fault with others, but never finds his own problems, such as the violin, the teacher can't teach his children well.
Mom sometimes doesn't control her emotions very well. "
in several arguments with his parents, he was calm, quick-thinking and to the point.
not only expressed his dissatisfaction, but also poked his parents' pain points with good reason, leaving them speechless.
has to be admired.
even Hai Lan, an education expert off the court, can't help praising:
in fact, there are inevitably differences between parents and their children.
Children dare to follow their hearts, defend their positions and express their opinions, so that they will not be timid when they encounter things in the future and have the ability to solve problems independently.
and children will also exercise their logical thinking ability and language expression ability in talking back again and again, which is more conducive to communicating with others in the future.
it is also a kind of wisdom of parents to allow children to talk back to their parents.
Children who dare to talk back
tend to be more independent. Princeton University in the United States has done a study:
divide 2-5-year-old children into two groups. One group likes to talk back and is more resistant.
the other group is sensible and obedient, and the resistance is weak.
the results show that
80% of the children with strong resistance have the ability to analyze, judge things and make decisions independently;
while those with less resistance, only 24% of them can act independently when they grow up, and their judgment is weak, so they often need to be patient with others.
thus it can be seen that there will be a top.Mouth children, not only can clearly know what they want, but also dare to achieve their goals independently.
Liu Yong, a famous educator, is very strict with his son Liu Xuan.
he often asks Liu Xuan to learn Chinese on holidays.
when Liu Xuan is going out to play, he is asked to pick up pine cones, sweep leaves and clean the gutters under the eaves.
Liu Xuan felt that his father was asking for trouble, so he often talked back to his father.
his father often called him a rebellious "son of a bitch".
once, my father asked Liu Xuan:
Liu Xuan answered back confidently:
"because I think I've grown up and shouldn't listen to you all."
so when you tell me to go left, I go to the right. I have my own ideas. I should find out where I am! "
this is how Liu Xuan, who has a strong sense of self, stunned everyone when he grew up.
in spite of his father's opposition, he studied his favorite psychology and became a famous psychologist.
he used his agile thinking trained by years of bickering with his father to react quickly and entered the media. he has become the representative of Taiwan's cultural media.
he took advantage of his character of not admitting defeat, like to try, and liked to challenge, and bravely explored his own possibilities, and achieved good results.
he went to plan advertisements and became a well-known creative talent and brand consultant in Taiwan.
he went to participate in the speech contest and became the national champion of "I am an orator."
his independence, self-confidence, courage and perseverance have filled his life with surprises and realized all kinds of possibilities.
as Dr. Angelikafas, a German child psychologist, said:
Children who can argue with their parents will grow up to be more confident, independent, creative and dare to challenge themselves.
therefore, children who can talk back often have a promising future.
allow children to talk back, but to selectively "compromise"
the process of children talking back is a process in which children argue for themselves, and it is also a process in which parents guide them what is right and what is wrong.
We allow our children to talk back, but we don't let them do whatever they want.
when children talk back, we need to make selective "compromises".
1. Unprincipled questions, be gentle
once read a post about parents criticizing their children, in which two comments resonated with many netizens:
"when you were scolded when you were a child, as long as you said a word, he said you would answer back." If you don't say anything, he'll say you're mute. "
"parents can never tell the difference between explaining and talking back."
many parents regard their children talking back as against themselves.
but in fact, there are many reasons for children to talk back, perhaps to express their inner thoughts, to attract parents' attention, or to hate the feeling of being suppressed and ordered by their parents....
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if parents rudely define their child's backtalk as "bad behavior", it not only closes the channel of good communication with the child, but also hurts the parent-child relationship.
so, in the face of things that will not break the rules, affect others, or be dangerous, we can make appropriate compromises and listen to the voices of our children.
before, my son and I often had conflicts over homework.
I want my son to come home from school and do his homework the first time, but my son always likes to play for a while before doing his homework.
I remember once warning my son in a commanding tone:
my son hit me back angrily:
my son's words stopped me for a moment and woke me up.
Yes, why don't you listen to me? why can't I listen to what the child has to say? So I began to ask my son seriously and sincerely about his feelings and thoughts:
then, I expressed my thoughts to my son:
"if you play first, you may have to do your homework very late.
if you do your homework first, you can have fun without having to worry about doing your homework later. "
my son thought carefully and readily accepted my suggestion.
this makes me understand one thing:
when parents and their children conflict, don't treat their child as a troublemaker, but as an active participant in solving the problem.
only through gentle guidance can children feel love and respect before they are willing to communicate with their parents.
2. As a matter of principle, be firm.
I have seen such a video:
A father went to the supermarket with his two daughters, and the youngest daughter deliberately knocked off the things in her sister's hand.
the father was very angry and asked the little girl to apologize to her sister.
the little girl refused angrily, lay on the ground and screamed loudly, saying sophistry:
"No, I don't apologize. I didn't mean to."
the little girl's sister pleaded with her father:
"come on, she doesn't have to apologize."
when the little girl heard this, she proudly continued to contradict her father:
"she said, I don't have to apologize."
however, Dad tried to control his emotions, looked at her carefully, and demanded that she must apologize again and again in a firm tone.
finally, the little girl apologized to her sister under her father's tough attitude. You see, to allow children to talk back is not to allow children to be presumptuous and rude.
Children's thinking is not mature, and those "rude things", "dangerous things" and "things that are easy to cause damage" must be firm.Set the place to say "no" to the child.
only in this way can children have a ruler in mind and stop their actions.