There is a kind of EQ, knowing not to ask, seeing through and saying nothing.

there is a saying in Daojing: "it is better to keep the middle than to speak too much and count the poor."

eloquence is ability, but proper silence makes people feel more comfortable.

not all concerns need to be spoken out;

not all cover-ups need to be exposed at once.

there is a kind of kindness, which is called knowing not to ask;

has a kind of self-cultivation, which is called seeing through and saying nothing.

people who really have high EQ know how to exercise restraint.

01

knowing not to ask, it is a kind of kindness

Brad is engulfed by sudden anxiety in the movie Brad's Mid-Life crisis.

late at night, he lay in bed tossing and turning, flashing his mediocre first half of life in his mind.

he is over forty and runs a non-profit organization, but his career has not improved, and even his only employee has left him.

this job looks glamorous, but it is often misunderstood as forcing others to donate money.

thinking, Brad thought of his former classmates, some became Hollywood directors, some often appeared on TV. Only I am still a loser.

as soon as he turned over, he woke up his wife, Melanie.

Melanie knew about her husband's struggle, but quietly guarded his self-esteem.

when her husband rambled on about his unwillingness, Melanie didn't ask any more questions, but gently told him, "our life is fine. Go to sleep."

when Brad came up with the idea of his father-in-law's house, Melanie, though a little unhappy, did not question her husband why she did it.

the reason why she doesn't ask is not that she doesn't care or don't care, but another way of expressing thoughtfulness.

after that, Brad was very grateful for his wife's blank at that time.

when the other party wants to stop, if you ask questions blindly, it is tantamount to sprinkling salt on the wound. if it is light, it will make the two people fall into an awkward situation, and if it is serious, they will break up in a big quarrel.

asking what's on your mind will only add to your troubles;

being quiet is kind.

it is human nature to find out the root and ask the bottom.

but even if you are as close as husband and wife, there will be some unspeakable things.

in this world, some roads can only be taken by one person, and some bitterness can only be swallowed by one person.

in many cases, rather than break the casserole and ask to the end, it is better to remain silent at the right time.

02

it is a kind of self-cultivation

recently, criminal law teacher Luo Xiang shared such a story in the interview program "my Bronze Age."

17 years ago, he was studying for a doctorate at Peking University.

one day, he met a ragged old lady.

the old lady has gray hair and asks for directions everywhere, but everyone around her likes to ignore it.

Luo Xiang went up to her and asked her, "what's the matter with you?"

the old lady asked him how to get to an aid center, but Luo Xiang said he didn't know.

looking at the disappointment of the old man, Luo Xiang was a little sad, so he dialed 114 to check the location.

when Luo Xiang told the old lady the address, she took out a small piece of paper and recorded it with trembling hands.

Luo Xiang was a little tired of watching, so he said that he would take a taxi to take the old lady there.

when the old lady heard this, she fell to her knees with a plop, and Luo Xiang helped the old lady to get on the bus.

at that time, Luo Xiang had already passed the lawyer's license, and he also wanted to hear what kind of case it was, but he was still a little worried for fear of getting himself into trouble, so he never revealed his identity.

after the old man walked to the door of the aid center, he said to Luo Xiang, "Thank you very much. You don't have to go up with me. Don't affect your future."

at that moment, Luo Xiang's heart thumped and felt ashamed.

in fact, the old lady has long seen through his reservations, but she has not exposed them all the time.

the old lady protects the face of a young man in her own way.

this incident had a great impact on Luo Xiang, which made him really move from books to reality and no longer hide his inner desolation with a sense of moral superiority.

it is a skill to see through everything;

it is self-cultivation to see through and say nothing.

people who are really wise never embarrass people in public, because they know that it is useless to talk too much, and it is better to keep basic decency.

doing this for others and yourself is a kind of accomplishment.

03

people with high EQ know how to think of others

after graduating from Miao Miao University, they go to a strange city alone for love.

I thought I was full of water and water, but sweet words were not worth the firewood, rice, oil and salt, so the two eventually parted ways.

three years of love instantly turned into nothing. Miao Miao washed her face with tears all day, and the thick foundation could not cover the dark circles around her eyes.

colleague Zhang Jiesu came to be warm-hearted, looked at Miao Miao in a bad state, and often chatted with her.

at first, Miao Miao thought Sister Zhang was kind and poured out her heart and heart.

unexpectedly, like an addict, Sister Zhang chattered endlessly every day, uncovering Miao Miao's emotional injury again and again, and spreading the news of her breakup to everyone.

since then, Miao Miao has made a detour when she saw Sister Zhang.

Shen Congwen once said: "Don't get to the bottom of other people's past, it may be memories you never want to touch."

many people don't want to be disturbed when they are in the doldrums.

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your excessive concern for him may be a burden that makes the other person out of breath.

Zhang ailing and Yan Ying were once close friends in the boudoir. When they were young, Yan Ying's name appeared many times in Zhang ailing's works, almost without inflammation.Sakura, it's not written.

but after entering middle age, the two are drifting apart.

when Zhang ailing was in distress in a foreign land, Yan Ying said hello and boasted about how much money she had earned.

when Zhang ailing's husband Lai Ya was seriously ill, Yan Ying made a few pleasantries, and then showed off how popular she was with men.

all this disgusted Zhang ailing.

she wrote to Kuang Wenmei: "now everyone is busy and light, and they don't want to talk more."

restraint is better than noise. No one wants their grief to be pointed at.

it is better to ask questions in the name of love than to turn a blind eye and smile.

there is always a time in adult life when you are forced to smile. To learn to refrain is not indifference or ruthlessness, but great wisdom after going through the vicissitudes of life.

your gossip curiosity is just a kind of self-touching, never considering the other person's needs;

you only think of others and don't regard crossing boundaries as a habit, which is really high EQ.

04

some people say, "those who really care about you will not make much noise, but wait in silence."

that's true.

in the past, I always felt that concern was about to be spoken, but now I find it more rare to keep silent.

the real concern is goodwill and tacit understanding, which means that I will always love you whether you say it or not;

the real concern is understanding and respect, trying to understand each other, not just gossiping;

the real concern is to understand and comfort, not to touch other people's pain, let each other like a spring breeze.

knowing that you don't ask, seeing through and saying nothing is the highest EQ.

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