I really want to be with you.
I believe in fate because I believe that you must be doomed to miss something you should have missed. Because in retrospect, every decision you made in the past determines who you met, what story happened to you, and in the end you took a different fork in the road and what you missed.
yesterday, when I was on the introduction to cultural studies, I was suddenly inspired, so I hurriedly wrote down a few words in the book and asked me why I didn't listen to the lecture. I said, "because I thought it would be interesting to listen to your story."
the big-hearted high school is in a small city near the border of Guangxi, where there is a boy in the next class who has been loved for three years, from junior high school to high school, but the two have hardly spoken, "the only connection is that we are all experimental classes, so he heard my name at the grade meeting, and I also heard his name, that's all."
there was a sudden earthquake just after 11:00 one night. Although I watched the news the next day and found out that the earthquake was caused by the collapse of the reservoir, it was thoughtful to say that all the students in the school ran to the playground that night. some people even brought mats to sleep on the football field, and the crowd was not evacuated at more than two o'clock in the morning. At this time, when everyone has one or more people who want to go back to the dormitory, there will be waves of unease and unrest in the crowd, mixed with some worries about "afraid to go back" and "what to do with aftershocks later?"
"I didn't take off my phone that night. I borrowed someone else's phone and called my father home. Apart from that, I didn't call anyone. Under the circumstances, I didn't think that anyone other than my family would care about me."
A long time later, at the party of the student union, Daxin kept talking to that boy on the way back to school. unfortunately, Daxin no longer liked him at that time. After returning to the dormitory, he took advantage of the fact that the two were very familiar with each other that day. I dared to say to him, "actually, I liked you for three years, but I didn't talk to you at that time, and I didn't know you."
I interjected and asked Da Xin, "isn't it too late for this confession? you don't even like him."
she said, "it's too late."
because the boy's answer is "me too."
after a while, the boy continued to say, "on the night of last year's earthquake, I picked up the phone and didn't call home first. I've been calling you. I don't know if you knew me at that time, but I was afraid I couldn't find you. I made dozens of calls from the playground to the school gate, but I could never get through."
Da Xin said that in this scene, he is like Ke Zhendong in "those years" calling Shen Jiayi after the earthquake, exactly the same, even the ending is the same. Everyone refused to be the one who spoke first because of stubbornness, so it was too late to start silently, and it was over.
Daxin did not reply to his text message that night. After they fell silent for a while, they turned off their cell phone. It is said that she blew the wind on the balcony for most of the night so that her classmates who went to the toilet were frightened by her long hair fluttering in the wind.
the last thing Daxin said to me was, "this may be the most perfect miss in my life, but just like the night and the night wind that night, it is very gentle, that is,'me, too'. Fortunately, the moment we confessed to each other did not like each other, otherwise it must be a cruel miss, not a gentle memory."
it's just too late. I don't have so many opportunities. Fortunately, Daxin has been with her first boyfriend for several years. I heard that the boy is still single, but he has another Rapunzel in his heart.
and for me, so far, the tenderest memories of my life can only want to write this story.
Vic, a person who has given me great confidence and motivation, because he is studying in a university out of town, and every Monday to Friday, even if I am not online and can not use my mobile phone, he will send me the interesting things he sees every day, such as the silhouette of the railing of their school, like the black and white keys of the piano, the 3D printed model they made in the experimental class, and so on. He walked several kilometers from this place to another place to take pictures. Write a memo at the end of a nagging diary and tell me at the end of every night before going to bed, so every weekend when I turn on my phone, I receive dozens of unread messages. I was flipping through pictures, listening to sentences of voice, and reading pieces. The feeling was that I had never tried anyone who said, "he is clearly not with me, but I never worry about what he has done that I don't know."
if the so-called "reluctance" means saying goodbye and saying goodbye again,
then the so-called "miss" means good night but still want to say good night.
one night, when we were on the phone in the early hours of the morning, no one was willing to hang up, obviously saying good night, so for the next 20 minutes, we did not speak, and in the same way, we were silent like them. Twenty minutes later, the Vic on the other end of the phone whispered, "are you asleep? I heard you breathing."
"are you asleep? I hear you breathing."
this is the sentence that goes straight to the deepest and most moving place in my heart, which is difficult to forget.
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that was really the moment when I experienced the most gentle treatment in my life.
I said, not yet, he said, then I'll go to bed when you're asleep.
I don't need to talk about the ending, and I don't want to talk about it, because like in the article on the day of confession, there is a comment on which is more regrettable, "you think we were never together" or "We weren't together in the end." I replied to the reader, "I don't want to answer, because I know the answer, good night."
later, in the late nights of sleepless nights, in every sweaty evening on the playground, and every time I sat alone by the bus window, I always thought of us at that time, and that kind of day felt like that. I simply can't have a second time, because the first time is complete enough for me to think about it for the rest of my life.
each of us who missed so-and-so can say, "he taught me a lot of things, but only these things can stay with me for the rest of my life."
time and fate are always extremely fair, it constantly makes you understand a truth in countless misses, when you are someone's new love, you must be someone's old love.
I never feel like I have to get anything, probably because I never get what I want. I often tell people that it may be very difficult for you to go home on time to eat and sleep every day when you can make a lot of money, and the more ordinary and simple real feelings and stages are, the more rare it is. So I don't think it will stay with me if I have encountered any good people and things in this life, because it is too difficult.
even if I miss you in the end, I can never turn back, and I will miss you forever.