I don't need a reason to refuse you.
when I was in high school, Yumi in the class next door asked me to borrow a dress dress worn by the host. I specially maintained the skirt in the store and delivered it to her with hangers and bags. When she returned the skirt a few weeks later, she packed it casually in a crumpled plastic bag, crumpling the expensive skirt into a messy shape. I held back my anger and asked her, "didn't I tell you to hang it with a coat hanger? This skirt wrinkles easily. " She smiled, shoved the bag into my hand and jokingly said, "Oh, I've been busy lately. I don't have time to wash it for you." I took the bag and thought that I would never borrow anything from me again.
cc never remembers to pay back the money he borrows, never takes his wallet with him when he goes out, and never has enough money even if he does. She used to say, "I'll pay you back." And never mentioned it again. The worst part is that she will have dinner in a restaurant outside the school and then call you to tell you if she can come and pay for me without her wallet. I always hang up the phone and say "No" over and over again, but I still put on my clothes and go to her.
I once met a weird roommate who said to me one night, "Hey, I'm bringing my boyfriend to my room tonight. Can you come back later?" I tried to resist the impulse to ask her, "Why don't you go out and get a room" and chatted in my friend's dormitory until the wee hours of the morning.
I have a younger brother who works with me, who especially likes to be late. Even if he asks me for help to meet me, he will be late after the appointed time. That calm temperament makes me feel like I was born to wait for him.
after studying in Hong Kong, some friends and relatives who never contacted me on Wechat wrote to me privately and asked, "can you buy me a limited edition of GUCCI?" Looking at the unfinished papers and homework at hand, I began to patiently explain that I don't go shopping very often, so I'll take a look at it for you when I have time. Later, he directly turned a blind eye to the harasser who had nothing to do with going to the three temples.
although I always satisfy my classmates and friends' request of "you should help me as a matter of course", I always think that not to cause trouble to others is the most basic virtue of being a human being.
although I often can't do it myself without bothering others, every time I ask for help, I always remember his kindness with great guilt and gratitude.
but there are people who take you for granted and accept your kindness without any gratitude. They always think that you are on your way, that you are free, that you are an endless cash machine, and that you are a voluntary courier.
Why does someone bother you by taking advantage of this identity and name when they are clearly your friends?
it seems that these are all trivial things.
when you say it, you seem to have no feelings, but you often feel aggrieved when you hold it in your heart. It seems too magnanimous to pull down your face and get angry just because of these things. But has been silent accumulation in the heart, over time and more and more feel, why always I lose?
but what's more fatal is that I never learn to refuse.
in the face of some requests, I am unwilling to do so, but I can't think of any reasonable excuse for refusing for a moment. The only thing I can do is to say yes awkwardly. When I thought about it afterwards, I regretted the promise and came up with ten thousand reasons to reject him with unusually clear rational thinking, but it was too late, so I had to make up my mind to say that I would refuse if there was a similar situation next time.
however, when I really wait until next time, I will have a vicious circle and say yes.
so people who borrow money from you borrow more, people who are late come later, people who ask for breakfast ask for more, roommates bring their boyfriends home more often, people who borrow clothes are unscrupulous and don't even wash their clothes when they come back. There are more and more people who regard you studying abroad as the so-called friends of professional purchasing agents, and regard you who fly all over the world as a classmate of professional couriers.
get used to smiling and telling yourself to be tolerant and kind, and then what?
they have come to take bothering you as a particularly comfortable thing.
there are always people who say that the psychological sex of girls will change if they are single for a long time.
when it rains, I'd rather go back to my dormitory drenched by myself than send Wechat to anyone on purpose to say, "come and pick me up"; without a wallet, I'd rather be hungry than embarrassed to ask someone to send you money; studying alone, I can't lift my suitcase when I move, I'd rather take care of everything by myself for a whole week, rather than say to anyone, "can you help me carry my suitcase?" Frozen into a dog in the library and too lazy to go back to get clothes, if no one around you will wait until the library is closed, run back to the dormitory with a runny nose to drink cold medicine, and don't want anyone to come and deliver your clothes.
however, I say that it is not a matter of being single or not, nor is it a matter of gender.
so many girls who call themselves' strong girls' are powerless, can't fix computers, can't install software, can't carry rice, can't carry suitcases when traveling, and post a moments of friends with a watery selfie every time they encounter big or small things. "who can help me?" Waiting for the earthly hero who fell from the sky to rescue her from the fire and water.
so many boys who claim to be 'independent and happy' inexplicably ask you to buy gifts for his girlfriend and write love letters for him. When it comes to finalseason, they are looking for people like "can you help me change essay?" "could you redraw the emphasis for me?" In total disregard of the painstaking review of others.
so it has nothing to do with gender, not emotional status. This kind of behavior of bothering others with peace of mind is the basic problem of being a man. Because you are always thinking about yourself, and you have never touched a heart for anyone else. You don't think there's anything to ask for.What's wrong? I can't see the embarrassment in the expression of the person in front of me.
you are selfish.
I know the feeling of being manipulated like a dog, so I won't say "you send me some money" until I have to. "
I know it's not easy for you to bring me breakfast, dinner, midnight snacks, so I always get up early and go to bed late at night, and prepare all the food for myself.
I also know the helplessness of keeping a smiling face even though I don't want to, so I won't ask you, "do you mind if I bring my boyfriend home?"
I also know the kind of desire to remind you that you owe me money all the time, but you don't dare to open your mouth because of face, so I will write it down in a memo when I borrow money, lest I forget it.
I never understand why it is so difficult for you to do your own thing and not to use your precious friend resources on these trifles.
the only thing I understand is that if you don't have the heart to refuse others, you are hurting yourself.
it's just that you shouldn't be opportunistic, you shouldn't take everyone's kindness for granted, and you shouldn't take advantage of other people's generosity to take advantage of their friendship with you.
and reject things that are not your job, you don't need a reason at all.
I take care of my window and have no time to shield your shack from the rain all night. It's up to me to decide whether to help you or not. If your request is too unreasonable, who says friends can't refuse? Since you are not ashamed to ask for trouble, why should I be ashamed to refuse you?
I just don't have time to bring you breakfast. I don't want to lend you clothes. I can't send you money. I don't have time to wait for you who is late. I will no longer be weak and willing to accept the troubles big and small that you have forced into my life.
-"so if you say so, are we still friends?"
although the boat of our friendship will not turn over easily, if you sit on the side of the boat and shake it to annoy me, I don't know which day I will be fed up with you and jump into the canoe.