Don't persuade me to be magnanimous if you don't know my suffering.

in an issue of "Strange Theory", Ma Dong said: "with the passage of time, we will eventually forgive those who have hurt us."

Cai Kangyong added: "that's not forgiveness, that's forget it."

Yes, there is not so much forgiveness in life.

to those who judge without knowing the whole picture, I just want to say: don't persuade me to be magnanimous if you don't know my suffering.

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01

there is no real empathy in the world

saw such a story on the Internet. A netizen said that she had kicked her sister-in-law out of the house, and then her relatives and friends were persuading her to be magnanimous.

and she was very aggrieved and felt that they did not know the truth: she had cancer a few years ago, and her family did not save much at that time, and some money could not be used for financial management.

she is a single mother who has to raise children and old people while she is sick. There is no one to take care of herself. All the sick money is overdrawn by credit cards.

and she once lent her brother tens of thousands of yuan, never paid it back, and later made a lot of money by selling the house.

but when she was ill, her brother was not only unwilling to support her, he didn't even have a visit.

and she had just made a better life and repaid a little money with the provident fund, the sister-in-law ran over and said that she would give the child to the elderly.

it is said that it is for the elderly, but in fact, the old man is more than 70 years old, and she can only bring it.

and she is just a little ill, so she doesn't have the energy to do more.

at this time, the sister-in-law came to make trouble with the old man, and she was very angry and drove the sister-in-law out.

but when the story spread, she was laughed at by neighbors and relatives and advised to be kind.

she can only digest her emotions on her own, because no one will really care about the truth behind the matter, and no one will be able to understand her troubles.

there is no real empathy in the world, many things, others are spectators, only you know best.

you can be light only because you have never experienced it.

02

stay away from those who persuade you to be magnanimous without discerning the truth

Guo Degang once said:

"A person who advises you to be magnanimous if he doesn't understand anything is the kind of person you must stay away from, because lightning will affect you when it strikes him.

stab you with a knife. Your blood hasn't been wiped clean yet. He's there. Be brave about it. You won't die. Because people are like this, they hang it up regardless of their own business, and they talk wheezing when they persuade others, but it doesn't solve any problem. "

Wang Yu was born in a family that favors sons over daughters. from childhood to age, she was the one who was neglected, and the good ones were left to her younger brother.

so in order to satisfy her family's wishes, she can only satisfy her family's boundless demands.

when I was a child, when I went to the same school, my brother's room was neatly arranged and exquisitely arranged, with all kinds of books and toys, but Wang Yu's room was the simplest configuration.

on their younger brother's birthday, the parents would buy their younger brother a gift cake in advance and invite his classmates to come home.

but on Wang Yusheng's day, no one at home was interested. She said, "I keep comforting myself and telling myself to work hard."

later, in order to get rid of her native family, she came to the big city alone to work hard.

when she worked hard in the big city, her mother always thought she lived a decent life, so she made all kinds of demands: find a job for her brother and send money to her family to support her family.

she worked very hard to earn a monthly salary of 10,000 yuan. She thought life would improve a little bit, but her parents made a bigger request: to help her brother buy a house.

for her, her money is not from the strong wind. Her own life is already so hard. I want to save some money in order to gain a foothold in a big city in the future. Why should I pay for my family without a bottom line?

in the end, she and her mother tore up their faces, expressing their anger over the years and saying that they would only send home a fixed amount of money every month, and that they did not have much of it.

when Wang Yu's friends found out, they accused Wang Yu of doing something wrong and advised her to be grateful:

"you don't know how to be grateful at all. It's not easy for your parents to give birth to you. Now that you've come out of the big city and have a broad vision, you can't just abandon your parents." Thank your parents more! "

Wang Yu was very sad because her friends didn't know her, didn't know the truth, and persuaded her to forgive her family, so she slowly moved away from this friend.

in the face of people who are always kind to you, be sure to stay away, because they have no basic empathy and think that things are black and white as they think they are.

you can't expect people around you to give you encouragement and support, but you really hope that they will not inadvertently give others an arbitrary evaluation, which is already a great kindness.

03

you can choose not to forgive

but learn to heal yourself

in the face of injury, learn to heal yourself.

Zhang Shaohan was once popular in Chinese music. Her voice is highly recognizable and penetrating, and she is well known for her single songs such as "Invisible Wings" and "Aurora".

at the peak of her career, she was found to have a family-inherited heart disease and had to quit her job to concentrate on treatment.

later, her mother falsely accused Zhang Shaohan of "taking drugs", "coming out", "no filial piety" and "refusing to support her parents" to the media.

it's all because her mother wants to get the money.

as soon as the incident happened, no matter how Zhang Shaohan clarified it, she was stigmatized, and her career was not as good as it used to be.

until I am a singer, one of her songs.Diao ", let her break the cocoon and be born again.

her voice is more powerful and infectious.

in the lyrics, "you are a Diao, you are a bird of freedom" sings her desire for freedom and desire for rebirth.

over the years, even at the lowest point, she never gave up on herself, never gave up on her dream.

even in the face of the betrayal of her relatives, she still hugs herself, waiting to become stronger one day.

"what can't beat you will eventually make you stronger."

she healed herself for those who hurt her, but she did not choose to forgive:

"to hurt is to hurt, and I would be stronger without it, because not only am I born inspirational, but I am also born strong.

I don't appreciate the people who hurt me, they just remind me not to be that person. "

time can only heal skin wounds, and some injuries that go to the bone and heart can not be let go no matter how long it has been in the past.

some injuries can never be forgotten for a lifetime. They can't be relieved by a few words of advice. At most, they just don't retaliate, but it's impossible to forgive.

the rest of your life is long. Don't punish yourself with other people's mistakes, love yourself well.

I also hope that when you are onlookers, you don't know the suffering of others and don't persuade others to be generous.