Father, it is you who decide the fate of your child 20 years later. All fathers should take a good look at it.

it is really enviable to see such a scene: three children, three desks, walls full of awards.

the three children sat at their desks doing their homework, focused and serious.

Dad sat behind the children and read carefully, and the father and son turned the whole room into a loving classroom.

(photo source: Douyin Southeast Morning Post)

what's more, the father finds time to help his three children with their homework almost every day.

sometimes help children solve difficult problems, sometimes check their recitation, and sometimes talk to their children about what happened at school and what happened at work.

he is not only a father who leads by example in the eyes of his children, a comrade-in-arms who fights side by side, but also a friend who confides in his children.

netizens can't help feeling: "No wonder his house is full of awards."

for children, a father's love and company is better than 100 good teachers.

do you still remember the post-80s dad who practiced dancing with his son some time ago and won millions of likes?

my son has liked hip-hop since he watched the first "this is hip-hop" competition.

the father not only signed up for dance classes for his children, but also taught himself to dance in front of the computer.

from 2018 to the present, the father has been practicing dance with his son for more than three years.

Today, when a round father dances, he is also smooth and full of energy, and is no less defeated by his energetic son.

the father said in an interview: "the original purpose of dancing with your children is to help your health, and second, to have a closer parent-child relationship, the most important of which is the relationship with your child."

as the father wishes, he and his son talk about everything like friends.

I remember that Luo Zhenyu once said in "Qifa Shuo": "Dad is the most useless mother and baby product."

the white paper on the current situation of Family Education in China also shows that: "less than 20% of families are educated by fathers."

in reality, like the above two fathers, there are very few fathers who accompany their children's growth and participate in their children's lives.

many fathers feel that it is their mother's business to educate their children, and they only need to earn money to support their families.

do not realize that the responsibility and influence of the role of father are irreplaceable.

in many ways, no matter how capable the mother is, she can't replace the father.

01

the absence of fatherly education will make girls lack of love all their lives

boys will lack calcium all their lives

Sun Yunxiao, a researcher at the China Youth Research Center, once talked about such a case.

A young man with a tiger on his back is weaker than a sheep.

when he was in primary and middle school, he was often bullied and dared not fight back, and always endured it in silence.

he is always timid, hesitant in speech and coy in doing things.

what is even more annoying is that when the teacher criticized him, he burst into tears.

whenever he is in trouble, he gets cold feet.

when he grew up and went to work, he was very suspicious. When he saw other people whispering, he felt that he was talking about himself, and he was so upset that he kept losing his job.

he didn't have a regular job until he was twenty-seven or eight.

through communication, teacher Sun Yunxiao found that the root cause of his timidity, cowardice, inferiority complex and sensitive character was the lack of paternal education.

when he was growing up, his father did not ask, while his mother was too protective and doting.

psychologist Gerdy once said: "compared with women, men have more adventurous spirit, exploration spirit, tolerance spirit, knowledge spirit, these characteristics will be incisively and vividly reflected in the education of children."

compared with the mother's delicate tenderness and careful protection, the father's unique "male strength", such as ruggedness, boldness and majesty, is an indispensable nutrient for a boy to grow into a man.

moreover, previous studies have confirmed that if the father is decisive and dominant at home, boys tend to show a high degree of masculinity.

if the father is weak at home and the mother is dominant, the boy will show more feminine characteristics.

the masculinity of a boy is inseparable from his father's example and edification.

Father is a bridge for a boy to grow into a man.

similarly, fathers also have a great influence on the growth of girls.

I remember that someone once said, "Boys tend to regard their father as an example for their future development." Girls learn how to get along with the opposite sex by observing their father. "

Zhihu has a question: what is the impact of girls who lack fatherly love from childhood on love and sexual relationships when they grow up?

netizens' answer is thought-provoking: "inferiority, worry about gain and loss, it is easy to be attracted to others, it is easy to fall in love, always want to achieve redemption through love, to make up for the lack of love and sense of security."

"once you fall in love, you completely lose yourself and know that the other person is a scumbag and doesn't want to leave."

"prefer to find an uncle to make up for the fatherly love he didn't get in childhood."

how fathers get along with their daughters determines how girls get along with the opposite sex.

Linda Nielsen, a psychology professor who has studied father-daughter relationships for decades, said: "if a woman can get recognition and recognition from her father from an early age, she will not desperately want these things from other men." because she already has it. "

in the final analysis, a girl who lacks fatherly love is constantly "looking for her father all her life."

the lack of fatherly love is like a deep pit buried in advance.Buried in their future love and marriage road.

is like Gillian who is always hurt by love.

repeated humble pleasures lead to bruises and bruises over and over again.

is like Lin Enjing, who married Li Kunchen, a 57-year-old Taiwanese musician at the age of 17.

they are all girls who have never been loved by their father.

therefore, fathers must participate in the growth and education of their children.

absence of paternal education will make boys lack calcium all their lives and girls lack love all their lives.

only by injecting more "male strength" into the boy's growth, can the boy become independent, brave and responsible.

only by letting a girl feel love from her father can a girl have enough sense of security to learn how to love herself and love others.

02

Dad gives boys regular education

bottom line education for girls

it is said that maternal love is like water, fatherly love is like mountains.

Maternal love is delicate and gentle, which is a kind of "perceptual" education, which is to nourish life.

fatherly love is rough and majestic, which is a kind of "rational" education to build the backbone of children's life.

therefore, fathers do not take care of their children in every detail and care as their mothers do.

Dads will give their children more freedom and space, and are more inclined to let their children know the world on their own.

so, the father will set some rules and bottom lines for the child, so that the child not only has the courage to try, but also knows what can and cannot be done, and where the boundary is.

I have seen two classic stories:

the first story was told by the writer Luo Song, about girls.

A teenage girl came home early in the morning.

instead of scolding her, her father asked her out for a drink a few days later.

Dad told the girl: "you dare to drink, get drunk, dad will take you home."

as a result, the girl was really drunk.

when she woke up the next day, she saw a letter from her father: "do you remember how much you got drunk last night?" There are 2 beers and 5 corner HIGH altogether. Remember, this is your bottom line! I can't always be there to protect you, but you have to know your bottom line and learn to protect yourself. "

if I have a daughter in my family, what I fear most is that she will get hurt when she meets someone who is unkind.

tell the daughter what is her own bottom line of safety, so that the daughter will not easily put herself in danger, will not give others a chance to hurt herself, and can live a rational and sober life.

bottom line education is the best protection and deepest love for a daughter.

the second story is told by writer Lin Xi, which is about boys.

A boy fought with his classmates and cried when he got home.

Dad asked him, "are you very aggrieved and angry?"

the boy said resentfully, "I want revenge."

instead of directly saying that what he did was wrong, Dad continued to ask him, "what do you want to do?"

the boy said, "find a stick, no, I'm going to stab him with a sword like on TV."

Dad still went along and said, "OK, this is very relieving. Dad, help you prepare."

A few minutes later, Dad went downstairs with clothes and quilts in his arms.

the boy asked with surprise on his face, "Why do you take so many clothes?"

Dad said, "if you use a stick, you will be taken to juvie for at least a month, so I'll bring you a change of clothes." If you stab with a sword, you will have to stay for a long time and be sure to prepare a quilt for you. "

the boy blushed and asked, "is this really happening?"

Dad said categorically, "this is the law."

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after listening to his father's words, the boy's previous impulse and anger were swept away. after thinking calmly, he said to his father, "then let's forget it. In fact, it's my fault. I'll apologize to him."