I used to yearn for death so much

I used to yearn for death so much
C'est la vie, he told me that life is good and helpless.

Wen /Tongc

they say that the people who know most of your secrets in the world should be "strangers", because they always cheer at first sight, as if you have found another model created by God when he created you at the same time as your match, so they can't wait to tell the stories one by one as if they are worried about the rare opportunity after this moment. "drink is a bosom friend less than a thousand cups." If you don't speculate, it's more than a word. " It is just right to use it here. I met an interesting person by chance last night. I talked about some things in the past, although I only mentioned it to him at that time, but I thought of these thoughts again last night and had insomnia.

Let's do it in chronological order. I often tell people that if I hadn't transferred to another school and moved to a new environment, I doubt that I am not a person who can read books, learn Chinese, cherish friends and family and enjoy everything now, not to mention sitting cross-legged on the windowsill and typing the keyboard.

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because at that time, I ran away from home for the night, hid in the gym and drank with others, personally cut my own hair, scraped my arms with sharp scissors in the toilet and watched the small beads of blood seeping out one by one. Even, my left foot has stepped over the fence, if you ask me why I didn't put my right foot out at that time. I will tell you because the faces of two people who love me suddenly appeared in front of me at that moment. I will always remember the feeling of this moment. If it hadn't been for that second, I would have been dead for many years now, to tell you the truth.

I used to think about how to remove the blade from the pencil sharpener and cut my wrists in every class. I would buy a caffeine-containing over-the-counter drug every time I went to the drugstore, although I knew that taking it in small amounts would not cause any consequences. but at that time, I was still keen to buy a lot of this drug, and band-aids. I had to buy it every time and put it in a different position in the bag, not a person who stumbled and hurt. But I thought it was very sense of security. Finally, when I bought a band-aid and was ready to put it in the mezzanine, I was surprised that there were already many of them. I wondered if I had gone a little too far and needed to see a doctor.

there was a composition competition. I remember very clearly that the teacher returned my composition with a high score, but did not let me participate in the competition. Her reason was: "students of your age should not write such gray things."

I didn't ask her, "it's well written, why don't you let me play?" Because I know the answer. I can't change it.

there are always things that are difficult to tell others in the past. I personally prefer to say that it is very difficult to tell myself that it is very difficult to compromise with myself in the past, and it is very difficult to face the things of that period of time. Recently, I have been doing an activity in disorder. You contract me for all the expenses for the day and pay 100 yuan. I will follow you to observe your behavior on this day and ask myself questions. Within three days, I will write a story about you. I told Zhang Jingshi yesterday that I wanted to go at first, but I was afraid I couldn't tell you about me, because I couldn't face myself.

maybe you think about the past in front of the screen, and you can't even describe it in words, because it's so heartbreaking that you can't describe the details, you can't recall how a person survived under the different dark psychology and complex eyes of different people, and you think of all the things that made you feel very extreme during that time, in an atmosphere of boundless darkness and depression. Do not know how they came here, often at this time or can not help but sigh, all come over.

Last night, when I told Yuanxia that I had done these things before, he said "c'estlavie". After I long pressed the translation, I showed "this is life". Yuanxia added, "it will be all right". I inexplicably think that these two sentences mean the same thing. This is life, and it will get better. The former is a sentence often said in adversity, while the latter is a sentence in recollection after adversity. When you grit your teeth, I think you will also find that the philosophical meanings of these two sentences are similar.

because anyway, as long as you live, you will live again.

understand this sentence well. Alas, it's beside the point. I don't want to tell you how to stick to it. I'd better go back to what happened many years ago. I don't know if I've developed a dark obsession. To this day, whenever I stand high, I can't help but wonder what would happen if I stood here and jumped. I also want to ask why not everyone has the idea that standing there will not think about what it will be like to jump. Maybe my brain is big enough to hold a ship.

I seldom tell anyone about the experience of that period and what I have done. After all, the impression is solidified and almost consistent. I think if I tell them about my previous black years, no one will understand, but sowhat, because I know very well that when a person is not involved in your past. It is impossible for him to understand what you would have done at that time or why you have such a personality today.

"if you knew me in the past, you might forgive me now."

-- Zhang ailing

Btw, today, if chaos gives you a chance to face up to who you used to be, would you?

# disorganized # selling Story # first issue #

@ Zhang Jingshi

you need to reimburse my fare

you need to pay me 100 yuan

what you eat, Shaxian I can accept

OnlyRefund 50% reward

because there are only 3 places left, so I will screen. If you know all the rules of "selling stories" and still want to participate.

Please reply "location + your WeChat account + what you are doing" in the background and I will contact you in the background.

I'm serious, so I hope you can take it seriously. If you are particularly rich, other provinces also want me to help you write down the story, if you can get a high-speed rail ticket, I am also willing.

this is indeed an activity that occurred to me in a flash, but I want to do it because I think everyone's story has its own bright spot. All the magazines and newspapers are full of accidents or fights between celebrities. I'd rather hear more stories about small potatoes.