People, why do they change? (every sentence goes to the heart)

on the hot list of Zhihu, I saw a topic: "what is the most selfish person you have ever met?"

after seeing the story of @ Yang Jianhong, I suddenly understood why people had changed.

the main family has grown apples for three generations. They have lived a hard life since childhood, and they have been very frugal after work, but they are still very loyal.

once, a colleague who had a nodding acquaintance borrowed money from him, saying that he still needed 20,000 yuan to buy a house. If he wanted to find the respondent to make a transition, he would return the provident fund to him.

as soon as he thought that buying a house was serious, he lent him 20,000 yuan for an emergency.

however, after half a year, my colleagues did not mention the return of the money, so the respondent needed the money at this time, so he went to ask.

unexpectedly, the colleague said as if nothing had happened,

"Ah, I didn't buy the house if I didn't see the right one, and your money was idle, so I got a time deposit.

now house prices are rising fast. If I earn an extra penny of interest, I can be more lenient when I buy a house. "

the respondent was speechless, and it took more than two years for him to get the money back.

the funny thing is that my colleague looked "vicious" when he returned the money and said he would never borrow money from him again.

after all this trouble, the respondent also began to re-examine the relationship around him.

probably many people think that if I am loyal to others, others will do the same to me.

do not realize that the human heart is not something that can be exchanged equally, and sometimes the higher the expectation, the greater the disappointment.

so you've changed and you're starting to understand.

01

not everything, others can empathize with

read a short story, which is quite meaningful:

when a little monkey was looking for food, his belly was scratched by a branch and left a lot of blood.

it tells everyone about its pain and shows them the wound.

everyone sighed after reading it, but after a few words of comfort, they went on their own way, and did not remind it to go to treatment early.

later, the little monkey who opened the wound again and again died of wound infection.

an old monkey said that the wound was not fatal, it was killed by itself.

if the little monkey had bandaged the wound from the beginning and did not beg others to understand its pain, it might have come to a different end.

and does this act like a portrayal of most of us?

my own misfortune, my own sadness, and my own pain always think that if I talk to others, I can get sympathy from others.

but you forget that Mr. Lu Xun once said, "Human joys and sorrows are not the same. I just think they are noisy."

it's a pure yearning to expect others to understand your difficulties.

others can only speak up for you, but they can't bear it for you!

on the contrary, the more you want to tell others about your grievances, pain, and sadness, the more no one understands you and blames you for being hypocritical.

when you open the wound again and again, you don't get any real comfort from others. In the end, it's yourself who hurts.

so you have changed.

become cautious, no longer talk to everyone, become defensive, and become indifferent.

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because you know that there is no real empathy in this world. Things don't belong to you, and you never know how much they weigh.

for most people, other people's business is just a story. Listen to it, talk about it, and it's over.

the only one who can really understand you is yourself.

so, if you digest your worries by yourself, and no matter how hard you are, you can also carry thousands of troops.

02

not everyone can accompany you to the end

my friend Lan Lan was depressed for a long time when she broke up with her ex.

she never knew she could fall in love so long.

she and her ex fell in love and tortured each other for five years, and finally, her ex's "inappropriate" took away all her expectations.

she has wept silently for countless nights, complaining about his ruthlessness and cruelty, and typing in the dialog box for a long time, but she never had the courage to press the send button.

she was afraid that the same answer would make the wound open again.

after almost a year on and off, she received a message from her ex: "can we have dinner sometime?"

Lan Lan said that her heart was flustered at the moment of seeing the text message, but after the calm, she still typed a few words: "it's not necessary."

her ex sent a few more messages, but she never replied.

my friend said, I just suddenly realized that he just came to my world for a walk, so why should I hold my whole heart out?

at the beginning of every relationship, both parties promise to last forever, but no matter how passionate the relationship is, they can't hide from the grindstone of time.

not everyone can accompany you to the end, and not everything will be the way you want it to be.

as said in the Dead of Mountains and Rivers: "everyone can only accompany you for a while, and sooner or later they have to be separated."

if you lose a relationship, you may be temporarily depressed, you may be unwilling, you may fall from then on, but you will be reborn.

later, you changed.

become no longer obsessed with things that have no results, and no longer pursue people who are out of touch with you.

because you finally understand that some people leave, some feelings fade away, and the movie always ends after watching the movie.

LifeLike a journey, a mountain journey, a river journey, each section of the road has a specific scenery, each stage will meet different people.

some people, without looking, are in the dim lights; some people, desperately want to stay, but a boat has sailed through the mountains.

03

it's not that I've changed, but that I've learned that

in adulthood, we often hear the saying, "you seem to be different."

when you hear this, you may smile without giving any explanation.

because only you know, it's not a change, it's an understanding.

everyone is born with a clean and flawless piece of white paper, but in the big dye vat of society, it is dyed in a variety of colors.

when you get hurt more, you become defensive;

, when you are cheated, you begin to be on your guard;

, when you are deceived, you become cautious.

only after experience can we know who can fall in love and who should let go;

only when something happens can we know who can get to know each other deeply and who can't make friends again.

in this world, nothing is immutable, feelings will change, age will change, and thoughts will change.

but it is these changes that make them the hardest armor on your body, protecting you against this restless world.

in the future, no matter when or what happens, please remember to live for yourself.

live a dripping and thorough life, live freely and richly.