The dilemma faced by nearly 200 million only children has come.

recently, the population and Family Planning Act will clarify the "three-child policy." The draft

explicitly implements the policy that a couple can have three children;

abolishes social alimony and gives birth to four or more children will no longer be punished.

now the country has opened the three-child policy, but the discussion on the topic of only child continues unabated.

as we all know, it is now a big problem for only-child parents to provide for the aged. A young couple needs to raise one or two children and four old people. It is difficult to raise children to prevent old age.

in fact, from 1980 to 2016, under more than three decades of one-child policy, China gave birth to 176 million only children.

it is estimated that the number of only children may reach nearly 200 million in 2021.

now the oldest wave of only children are already 40 years old. Their parents are old enough to provide for the aged, but their children have not yet grown up to live independently.

there are old people at the top and small ones at the bottom, which is really a dilemma.

the word "only child" has become an unspeakable suffering for these 200 million people.

01

the plight of the only child has come

before, people often said: the only child is so happy that their parents give them all their love, no sharing, no discount.

it's true, but 100% doting when you are young means 100% responsibility when you grow up. When they grow up, the only child is under more pressure than people can imagine.

in Tianya Forum, there was an only child born in 1982. His mother died a few years ago, and his father found out that lung cancer was advanced.

as the only child of his parents, he has to give up his work and even risk being fired. A man took his father for examination and treatment.

at the same time, when he goes home to buy food, the burden of delivering food can only fall on him.

his passage exposes the predicament faced as an only child.

"during the period from my father's illness to his final death, I longed for a sibling more than once, not a friend, not a distant relative.

when I first found out that my father had terminal cancer, I longed for a brother and sister to make me cry in my arms because I couldn't show my father my fragility.

when I took my father out for medical treatment, I longed for a brother or sister to take care of him, even for a day or two, because taking care of a patient was more exhausting than taking care of a baby.

when my father finally died, I longed that there would be a next of kin in the world. I felt so lonely that no one could understand it until that moment. "

you know how stressful it is for an only child when all the big decisions in life are made by one person and there is no one to discuss.

while the parents are old and the children are still young. How sad it is when you open your eyes and are surrounded by people who depend on you, but you can't find someone you can rely on.

what's more, this is the pain that every only child must face in the future.

some people say that this is just an exception, but as parents grow old day by day, the problem of providing for the aged has become increasingly prominent, and who can guarantee that this will not happen to their parents.

once this happens, we will have to carry all the hardships alone and live as a team.

even if this is not our own choice.

"only child and aging parents"

02

only child and empty nesters

from a scientific point of view, the "high risk" of the only-child family is that its structure is an unstable inverted triangle, which means that all the center of gravity falls on the only child.

for parents of only children, if they have only one child, they are more likely to become empty nesters.

because in daily life, most of the only children who struggle outside do not live with their parents, or even in the same city.

there was a saying on the Internet: the furthest distance in the world is when your father is lying on the ground while you are in the address book.

this is a common problem for every child who works away from home.

because we have no idea what kind of life our parents are living and whether they are really as good as they say. I am even more afraid that I will not be able to show up in time when your family needs you most.

some people say that since we can't leave the city where we live now, why not take our parents over for the old age?

but will this really solve the problem?

sa Benin talked about this topic in an interview.

between 2005 and 2006, he also brought his parents to Beijing from his hometown of Wuhan. At that time, he thought that since he had the ability to take over his parents, he would be more secure.

but the reality tells him that he is secure in bringing his parents to him, but his parents are not.

that period happened to be his busiest time at work, so even if his parents were sent to Beijing, the number of times they got together did not change more.

but his parents think that they can see their children every day when they go to Beijing.

the truth is that not only are the children busy at work, but their social circle is also broken, and most of the daily life is the old couple looking at each other at home.

We always think that to pick up our parents is to accompany them, but we just want them to stay lonely somewhere else.

not only that, take your parents over, regardless of whether they adapt, housing,Medical care will also be a huge test.

and the only child may not be able to cope with all kinds of problems caused by differences in the pace of life and timing.

some people have done a survey on the Internet before, asking whether the elderly are willing to live with their children.

their answer is basically: "it's OK to live in a small house once in a while, but it's impossible to live long."

the reason is simple: "I can't get used to big cities."

in fact, they are still afraid of causing trouble. parents, who have only one child, do not want to easily turn to you for help.

but they have no one else to turn to but you.

03

what is the most important thing in the 21st century? It's money!

Zhihu once posted a post asking: "what kind of experience is an only child?"

A highly praised answer is: "dare not die, dare not marry far away, especially want to make money, because they only have me."

I think so.

traditional Chinese families pay attention to many children and many blessings, using multiple children to lift a large family.

but for only children, there are no brothers or sisters, so they can only find themselves in a dilemma between work and their parents.

if they have no way out, if they ask a nurse to take care of their parents, they have to bear twice or three times the financial pressure.

in recent years, labor is very expensive in both the production and service industries.

according to the price list of the domestic service company, the price of taking care of the elderly costs at least 4500 yuan a month, which is still under the condition that the elderly can take care of themselves.

if the elderly cannot take care of themselves, the price will rise to 6,000, 7,000, or even higher.

the salary of the babysitter plus the parents' other expenses costs at least more than 10,000 a month. According to the report, in 2020, the monthly salary in China is generally less than 6,000 yuan.

this means that at least half of the only children earn only enough to pay the caregivers. If it is in rural areas or third-and fourth-tier cities, I am afraid the money earned by their children is not enough to pay for nursing care.

there is a clear contradiction between the high babysitting fee and the meagre income.

what about sending parents to a nursing home?

doesn't necessarily solve the problem.

at present, the charging standards of nursing homes have the following ranges:

take Beijing as an example, the mid-end private pension near 100 million yuan in Xicheng District of Beijing adopts the mode of "deposit + monthly deposit".

members need to pay an one-time membership fee ranging from 180 to 3.1 million, as well as a rent of 4000 to 5000 per month and a meal fee of 1680 yuan.

although public pension institutions are much cheaper, the beds are limited every year, and many elderly people cannot move in until three or four years after registration.

what's more, I started waiting in line at that time and had to wait 20 years before I could move in.

We can't afford to wait, let alone our parents!

this is still under the condition that the parents can move in healthily, and if the parents have a serious illness at this time, it is tantamount to a disaster.

in China, serious illness is enough to destroy any middle class.

the hospital is like a money shredder, the only child can only bear it alone, because they have no one to share.

there is a doctor in ICU who posted a bill. This is a temporary ICU rescue of the elderly, part of the day's cost:

astonishingly expensive.

of course, for rich parents or children, the problem that can be solved with money is not a problem. However, what most of our parents and children lack is money.

therefore, filial piety is an expensive luxury that not every child can afford, let alone an only child.

after all, the pressure we face is much more than that. We also need to provide for the aged, raise children, raise cars and provide housing.

so we must live well and make more money than others.

this is the fate of the only child of our generation.

04

I have seen a classic award-winning photography called "only Child".

Zhang Shenjun /Photo

an only son sits between two hospital beds, father on one side and mother on the other.

it is possible that the only child has a mountain of jobs, competitive pressure, a wife who works overtime, and children to take care of.

and this lonely and fragile figure,

may be you, him, and me.

as the writer Li Yue said:

the happiest and most favored child in the past has slowly become the strongest and most tired adult.

they are trapped in the contradiction between time and wealth.

trapped in the triviality of people of all ages and children.

trapped in a single horse without substitution and respite.

as only children, we are not afraid of death. What we are afraid of is that we die, that our wife and children are left unattended, and that our parents have no one to provide for the elderly.

this is not only the dilemma of the only child, but also the dilemma of this era. Light up [like] + [watching], cheer for every middle-aged man who works hard.