Beautiful morning light, accompany you to read.
Bai Juyi has a saying: "the road is difficult, not in the water, not in the mountains, only in the repetition of human feelings."
the world of adults has gone through the vicissitudes of life before they realize how complex human nature is and how subtle the human heart is.
these six hidden social rules seem to be heartbreaking, but they have insight into the truth of interpersonal relationships.
few people really wish you well
writer Su Xin has told such a story:
every Spring Festival, the richest farmers in the village will certainly deliver New year's goods door to door.
he pulled a whole cart of rice noodles and meat and put it at the door of the villagers to make sure they had it in every household.
this behavior is not out of kindness, but a kind of self-protection-fear of living too well, causing criticism and jealousy.
because the villagers understand that the success of the people close to them is more painful than the dazzling in the distance.
people want others to have a good life, as long as they don't live much better than themselves.
sounds cold, but this is human nature.
there is a good saying:
except for your parents, relatives, and very few friends.
there are always very few people in the world who are happy because you are doing well.
for more people to ask about you, just to make sure that you are worse off than they are.
I think so.
Human nature is difficult to predict, and human heart is the most subtle.
you are doing well, and others may think you are showing off.
there is a saying in the Book of morality: "Light does not shine."
people who are mature in heart do not dazzle others with bright light and never show off too much.
my own wedding, my own taste.
being a low-key person without showing his edge is a person's greatest wisdom.
good people are rewarded, but good people do not.
A survey conducted by Cornell University in the United States shows that
"people who are too easygoing and do not know how to refuse at all earn 18% less than people with strong personalities."
"accepting or helping without a bottom line will not bring them a harmonious interpersonal relationship, on the contrary, it will only be despised by others."
I think so.
when I was a student, people who didn't know how to refuse were always bossed around and called around.
after work, people who are too talkative tend to do the most work, but always recite the pot.
the so-called "good heart" and "good temper" develop to the extreme, that is, compromise and weakness.
the more unconditional you give, the more others take it for granted.
when goodness has no bottom line, others have no principles.
there is a good saying:
"the good old man is a poison, which not only makes himself addicted, but also makes the other person addicted to your demands, until in the end, everyone becomes an enemy. Will put an end to this highly toxic interpersonal relationship."
good people are rewarded, but bad ones are not.
when you are good to everyone, the only thing you are sorry for is yourself.
in contemporary society, human feelings are particularly complex. "benefiting yourself at the expense of others" cannot be done, but "benefiting others at the expense of others" is not necessary.
Let people have a bottom line, and kindness must have an edge.
it is a wise choice to be a soft but hard person who can advance and retreat.
others respect you, not because you are excellent
writer Liu run once said a joke:
"when you find someone, he can understand everything you say, resonates with you, and you also enjoy the process, as if you have found a life partner and soulmate."
but there is a 99% chance that the other person's EQ, IQ and experience are above you. "
others respect you, not necessarily because you are good, maybe because others are good.
only high-level people have the ability to be downward compatible with others.
and choose to respect others is their highest self-cultivation.
as the saying goes: fools are arrogant, wise men are tolerant.
truly smart people don't think highly of themselves and don't underestimate others.
they do not have an inexplicable sense of superiority, and even if they stand high, they will lean over and listen to others.
to be an excellent person, you must first learn to respect and tolerate others.
Learning to respect others is a person's greatest self-discipline.
others can laugh at themselves, but don't agree with
have you ever heard these words:
"I am hopelessly fat."
"he is so good that he will not be attracted to me."
"although I am ugly, I want to be beautiful."
"the project was a success, but the blind cat was lucky to meet a dead mouse."
some people say, "to laugh at yourself is to laugh at your own shortcomings." In fact, it is to hide one's anxiety and uneasiness and want to get some comfort from others. "
so, it's okay for others to laugh at themselves, but don't go along with it.
otherwise, it will not only hurt the self-esteem of others, but also make enemies for yourself.
as the saying goes: a good word warms you in three winters, and a bad word hurts you in June.
being sarcastic and humorous are two different things, and outspoken and frank are two different things.
"thick black study" said: "self-mockery is modesty, agreement is contempt."
True humor is to make fun of yourself, not to belittle others.
A true wise man knows the weight of words and cares about the feelings of others.
as Cai Kangyong said, "I don't care about the art of speaking, but the way of speaking."My way of speaking is to take others to heart. "
not treating yourself as an outsider is a disaster
there is a topic on Zhihu: "what have you ever severed your friends for?"
the following answers seem to be different, but they all point to the same reason-the other party has no sense of scale:
speak inappropriately, a little unhappiness adds up, and breaks out in a quarrel.
pay the bill regardless of you and me, in fact, the issue of money is the most sensitive, slowly giving rise to a lot of discord.
Attract your audience when in royal blue dress party by showing confidence, femininity and elegance. Nowhere else you will find such a superb choices of collections.
emotionally, either asking for excess or being too controlling, everything "I am for your own good", and finally broke up in discord.
some people have relationships and never regard themselves as outsiders.
he himself has no reservations, and he also asks others to have no reservations.
such feelings can only suffocate people.
in interpersonal communication, there is a famous "psychological distance effect":
on a cold winter night, two hedgehogs hug to keep warm.
but they are covered with thorns, which will sting each other next to each other.
so the two hedgehogs retreated some distance, but they were unbearably cold and hugged each other again.
so on and off, over and over again, they finally find a distance that is not far or close, so that they can keep warm without being stabbed.
this "hedgehog rule" is what we call eight points to treat others.
the biggest illusion between people is "intimacy".
not treating yourself as an outsider is a disaster for any relationship.
on the contrary, eight points good to people, leaving a sense of limit, in order to irrigate the feelings of long-flowing water.
when you are useful, you have the most friends
someone asked the writer Li Shanglong:
"I have participated in a lot of social activities and have a lot of friends, but to this day, I am sad that there is no one to help me in many things."
Li Shanglong asked, "how do people usually introduce you in the social field?"
he said, "my friend, Xiaobai."
Li Shanglong asked, "how do you usually introduce those excellent people?"
he replied: "Writer, director, professor."
then he fell into a long silence.
this story points out the heart-wrenching truth of adult social interaction:
you are not good, it is useless to know anyone.
in psychology, there is a "seesaw law":
"the relationship between people is like two people on a seesaw. Long-term maintenance requires the ability of both sides to be equal.
if their values are not equal, the relationship will be as unbalanced as a seesaw. "
most adult friendships are all potential